Tears of Joy in the batter

This morning we had to take Sam to the doctor for a follow up appointment on his tubes. The whole way there and back all Lexi Kate could talk about was making cookies for her friends. So, when we got home one of her friends came over and we made cookies to share with all of her friends this afternoon. After the friend left, we were having lunch and Lexi Kate asked if I thought she was a good cook. "Absolutely, the best." Then, with a perplexed look on her face she asked if she knew how to make cakes. I told her that we knew how to make cakes together. She then told me she needed to make a cake by herself. I am thinking in my head- not gonna happen in my kitchen. Then, she said, "Mommy, I need to make the most special cake of all, but you aren't supposed to help." I asked, "Why, baby?" Her response, "Because I need to make a special birthday cake for my special Mommy, and you aren't supposed to have to make your own cake." I couldn't help but tear up. I am still not going to let her bake and decorate a cake by herself; but, maybe just this once I can help make my own birthday cake, and love every minute of it....

Life Lessons

I love so many things about my husband, but one of the things I love the most is we can talk about so many things. And, even if we disagree, we can battle it out with the security of knowing neither one of us is going anywhere. Today our discussion was not a battle at all, but rather an opportunity for God to show me once again how much He has blessed me by providing me with a husband that is a spiritual leader for our family.

We have been going back and forth lately with what decisions we need to make in many areas of our lives. And if there is one thing in life I hate, it is going back and forth. I tend to operate in the black and white, make a decision & go with it. The Bible study I have been doing lately is all about not planning out our steps, trusting in God's plan and provision. I can honestly say that something about that has granted me an amazing peace in life.

So, once again today when Jeff presented a problem that we need to make a decision about, I quoted him directly from my Bible study today telling him how God had a plan and His plans included success for our lives. Then, this is where the discussion starts. Jeff reminded me that yes, God is our provider and protector, and he does have a great plan for our lives. But, just like when we accept His salvation from our sins we are not absolved from the consequences of our past actions; today we are not absolved from the consequences of the decisions we have made. That made me think a little bit. God was our Savior, but maybe we weren't allowing him to be Lord. We ran our lives, we made decisions, we made a mess. Now, we are trusting in God's provision to get us out of the mess. Is God going to provide, absolutely! Will there be some rough spots and consequences for bad decisions, most likely.

All of that to say, I am so thankful for this time in our lives. I wake up many mornings thinking our current circumstances flat out suck. I remember times of plenty 5 years ago when we were living in the condo, had 2 great jobs, and no kids, very little bills. But, once again at that point in my life, I hadn't learned to completely trust in God's plan and provision for my life. I didn't have the rest of knowing I wasn't responsible for planning my days. And, most of all I didn't have the love I have today. I could go anywhere, and have nothing as long as I have my wonderful husband who loves God and loves me and these precious children. I am so richly blessed!

There is just something about a child's laughter

I honestly think the world could have been on fire around me, and I wouldn't have cared to move. I came home from a meeting at church tonight, walked in the door and was immediately aggitated that Jeff hadn't washed the dishes or put Sam to bed. (LK passed out on her own as I was leaving.) But then, I realized Sam being up was God's little gift to me for today. He sat in my lap and rubbed my face for a bit, then all of the sudden he just started laughing. Maybe it was because he was looking at my face, maybe it was because he knew all the trouble he was going to cause over the next few years. But, for what ever reason, Sam would just giggle and laugh uncontrollably. He has giggled and laughed before, but tonight was different. He literrally laughed until he cried- and it made me want to cry. These are the precious moments that make the terrible moments worth it. I just kept trying to record that sound of him laughing in my brain. He has a really cute laugh. So, Jeff, thank your son for getting you out of major trouble. I don't even care that the dishes aren't washed, they will be there in the morning.

Lexi Kate was also full of laughter today. Her laugh sounds so different from Sam's, but I love it just as much. In fact, I am guilty of tickling her when I am having a bad day just to hear her laugh. Today, I didn't tickle her- I scolded her. What happened.... she pouted for a minute, then she ran up to me laughing. I asked why she was laughing. She asked, "Mommy are you angry at me?" No, I am not angry, but you have a consequence. She laughed and said, "That's okay, you forgive me and you will forget about it." She is probably right.... but the consequence did stick.

I have tried every day recently to make sure I find several things I am thankful for. Today, I am thankful for my children's laughter. I worry that they pick up on our stress, which I am sure they do to some extent. But, the laughter of today assures me that they are healthy and happy kids. And, not much else matters to me. I think I could bear most any burden if I could just hear my kids laugh.

I am obviously not very good at this

I so desperately want to be a good blogger. Not because I think tons of people out there care what I have to say, but because I want to have some record/journal of what is going on in our lives. I used to journal every day, but that like my blogging just doesn't happen any more.

In the three weeks since I last blogged, so much has happened that I can't even remember it all. For one, we had a series of amazing Christmas celebrations. It truly is my favorite time of year. Yes, I love getting presents, but the main thing is just spending time focusing on our families and what they mean to us. The weekend before Christmas we made a whirlwind trip to West TN/KY. We had a great plan to go down Friday night, have 3 Christmas celebrations and come back Sunday night. Life plan- meet yet another ear infection. This time, the ear infection required 3 rounds of shots, each given 24 hours apart. So, we had a shot Friday afternoon then again Saturday morning. We left the doctor's office at 10:30, arrived in West TN about 12:45, ate lunch, played a game of dirty Santa, visited for a couple minutes, then headed to KY. We rested for a few minutes then headed to the next celebration. We got back to Mimi & Papa's and had a screaming baby all night. We left early Sunday morning to get back to Franklin for our final round of shots. Then, Granddaddy and Emily came to our house for lunch and our 3rd Christmas celebration. You have no idea how much I was looking forward to that last one taking place at Patti's in KY. I could taste that Boatsinker Pie and just see LK's face when she saw the Christmas decorations and lights. But, life goes on.... Monday morning we went back to the pediatrician only to find out the shots hadn't completely worked and we would be on yet another round of 10 day oral antibiotic.


Fast forward 3 days to Christmas Eve. This is when both of our immediate families get together for Christmas. We go to Jeff's mom's for brunch. We all have a wonderful time and enjoy fabulous food. It is good to spend time with Jeff's sister's family. They only live 30 miles away, but with a high schooler and college kid, we just don't see them much. The most memorable part of that celebration was Jeff dropping and breaking Pam's gift before we could ever get it for her. It was a glass serving bowl to replace her chipped serving bowl. If you know Pam, you know cooking and serving food isn't exactly her specialty. Thankfully she laughed off the broken dish as her omen in life to have chipped dishes. (We have now replaced the broken bowl.)

That evening we had my family over for dinner. I think I have taken my Mom and Grandmother's job away in serving Christmas Dinner, but I love it. Not very often do I get to cook a big meal for lots of people and use my nice serving pieces and China. So, even though it is tons of work, it is one of my favorite parts of Christmas. I was slightly concerned about the kids opening presents.... LK had insisted that she wanted a trampoline from Santa. Well, she got a trampoline, but it was from Mimi and Papa. I thought she may be confused about the whole concept, but who was I kidding- she just wanted the trampoline.

Christmas morning was so much fun! Sam was up at the crack of dark, as usual. I tried to hold him off from Santa until LK got up, but it didn't exactly work. He got up and had his milk and we rocked, then he suddenly spotted his Little Tikes Police Car.
When LK got up she rushed in to see her Snow White treasures. I think she has dressed up like Snow White and watched the movie every day since Christmas. They joy in the children's face is just priceless. I can't wait to do it all again next year. One of my favorite parts was LK talking about writing thank you for all her presents. She may be a stinker, but she is at least a grateful stinker. She even wanted to write thank you notes to Santa, and especially baby Jesus, "We need to say thank you to baby Jesus for letting us get presents on His birthday."

By 10am on Christmas morning we were taking down the Christmas trees. Bah Humbug, maybe, but in reality it was time to get ready to party. I have had enough trouble keeping my 2 monkeys from climbing the trees, so I decided a birthday party full of monkeys would be more than I could deal with. That's right, the day after Christmas my baby boy turned One. He was our rookie of the year. Totally can not believe it. He is so different than Lexi Kate. Among many things, by his first birthday he had teeth and was walking, he very calmly ate his cake, and wasn't talking to everyone at the party. We were blessed to celebrate the birth of our baby boy with so many of our friends and family. But, next year- we will be celebrating in October. Too much going on around the holidays to do birthday too.


And, fast forward a few more days to New Year's Eve. What a way to end it, than in the hospital getting tubes. Let's just say it is a very cruel joke for a doctor to be running an hour late for surgery on a baby that hasn't eaten in 14 hours, and can't eat until you are finished. The surgery went off without a hitch, but it was hell waiting. I am not really sure what Sam's reaction to the tubes is at this point. LK was better immediately. Sam however has been fussy. I am looking forward to his checkup on Thursday to see how the doctor thinks he is doing.

How did we ring in the New Year-- we were in bed by 8:00. Did I mention we had to get up at 4:30am to be at the hospital by 6:30. Too tired to care about ringing in the New Year.

And, finally, my reflections on 2009. Honestly, it is a year I had just as soon forget. Jeff and I celebrated 5 years of marriage and have 2 wonderful children. The first 4 1/2 of those years we were able to enjoy the better and richer part of our vows. But, 2009 was filled with lots of stress and the worse and poorer part of our vows. The economy finally hit our business to the point we are about to break. In June Jeff finally let go his best friend and partner for the last 5 years. It broke my heart to see him struggle with this decision that was from a business standpoint months past due. The business is still struggling and each day I see the stress on Jeff's face. I will say that 2009 taught us some lessons that we would have never learned otherwise. I have known Christ as my Savior for 20 years, but this is probably the first year that I have HAD to trust Him as Lord of my life. For the most part, we haven't had to trust God to provide our every need. It is easy to say you rely completely on Him, but honestly in our society and with our past means, we haven' HAD to. This year, I can say I made it to the point that I gave up and trusted completely in Him. Everyday I have been prepared for Jeff to come home and say we were "done", and that we were going to "lose everything". In finally being willing to sell our house, give up my car, or whatever else happened, I have found a peace that surpasses all understanding. We thought we were doing everything right according the the world's standard. We had a great business going, we were very secure financially, and we had plenty of savings. Now that the savings is gone, we are less than secure financially, and the business is struggling; I can see what I need. I have the love of a Heavenly Father and an amazing family, and wonderful friends. The rest of this stuff- it just doesn't matter. It doesn't define who I am. Yes, I could live without the stress and hate seeing how it affects my wonderful husband. So, here is to praying that 2010 provides some relief in that area.