I know it has been over 3 months since I have updated the post, and at this point, it is doubtful that anyone is still reading this blog. If you are still reading, you had probably rather be seeing stories and pictures about my kids. Unfortunately, this one is about me, and one I didn't really want to share, but felt like I needed to in the rare chance that someone reading this needs to hear the way God spoke to me yesterday.
I was up early and usually go walking with my neighbor. She couldn't go because her baby had been up sick all night. Instead of going back to bed, I opened my Bible and decided to spend some much overdue time in the word. Everything I was reading was about celebrating each day, living stress free, completely trusting in God, and being thankful for your circumstances no matter what they were. This is the point when I began to throw a fit, much like the ones my 18 month old has starting throwing. I flat out told God I was tired of it. We have been waiting and trusting for over a year now. Yes, God has provided every week, but I just didn't see how it was going to happen any more. We are literally at the end of the rope. Jeff's is super busy right now, but we had gone so far backwards, he still isn't able to pay himself. We have gone through all of our savings, cashed in our retirement, started using credit cards, and doing just about anything we can to make ends meet for our business and personal finances. I am wore out! I stay at home with my kids, but have 4 part time jobs. I told God I thought I had spent enough time learning how to trust him, and what was important in our lives. My house is for sale, we are willing to give up everything we have built here, just do it already. My pity party went on for several minutes and I finally closed my Bible and told God, "I have no money in my savings account, our checking account is overdrawn, and I have $7 in my wallet. I don't know how we are going to by groceries this week; much less pay the mortgage. So, if you want me to keep trusting you, I need you to do something about all of the above, TODAY."
Telling God what He needs to do and is going to do, is probably not one of my smarter moves. But, I was just being honest. So, here is why I am sharing this story. God is faithful, he provides all we need, just when we need it. I took my car in for a warranty service, they told me about a recall on my car. How crazy is this... there isn't a fix for the recall, so they are just disabling the feature and going to send me a check for the loss of the feature. Okay God, I got it! I will just keep on trusting and resting in the fact that you are our All in All. And, I will be thankful for this opportunity to trust completely in You.
