Our internet connection at the beach is entirely too slow to attempt pictures, but I will upload some when we get home. The kiddos are so cute! My big realization is that I have become my mother. I guess that is okay, because she was a great mother, and I love her, but....
When I was a kid it made me "hate" my parents when they would go on a vacation by themselves and leave me with my grandparents. At the time I thought it was because they didn't love me as much as they loved each other. And frankly, I thought they were being cruel and causing me to miss out on the fun. Now, that I am on vacation with 2 small children, I realize this is no vacation at all for parents. In fact, it is harder work than being at home. Sure, the beach is nice and I am glad to be here, but I am already exhausted from taking kids to the pool and beach, making sure we have everything we need, then as soon as we get settled, it is time to come back up to change diapers, eat lunch, and take a nap. This "vacation" is simply a time to let the kids do whatever they want and have fun, so we can spend the next 2 weeks at home getting them back into routine. So, Mom, I am so sorry for all the grief that I gave you over taking a weekend away. Now, I realize how much you needed the break. Hope you are up for keeping my kids, so I can take a vacation. Jeff and I could certainly benefit for some time away together to recharge as a couple and as parents, so in fact we can be better parents.
The other thing that makes me my mother.... I actually am wearing a skirted bathing suit. I swore I would never be one of those "old", "uncool" moms that resorted to wearing unfashionable bathingsuits and clothes just because they were moms. When my mom was 30 wearing a skirted bathing suit, I thought she looked old and ridiculous. Now that I am 30, have had 2 kids in 28 months time; it isn't old and ridiculous, it is common courtesy to the hundreds of other people trying to enjoy thier time at the beach. I will admit the other moms here running around in bikinis, SOME of them actually looking decent, make me jealous. However, when I put on the 1 bikini I still own, see my disproportioned body hanging out in places it shouldn't, my stretch marks shining, and veins standing out; I take it off and grab the skirted tankini and head to the beach. Oh well, I have become my mother.
Another thing that makes me realize that I have become my mother.... I no longer desire to do the things I used to on vacation. We are here with my Dad and Step-Mom, who are itching to do fun adult things. You can tell neither of them have really taken kids on vacation. Emily never had children, and my parents were divorced when I was so young, my dad never went on vacation with me. Sure, I would love to sleep in, sleep by the pool, eat at fancy restaurants, and going shopping. But, when a 2 year old is saying, "Mommy, Mommy...." it all goes away. This morning at 5:30 Sam was awake and ready to eat. So much for sleeping in on vacation. Once he was fed and settled, LK was up wanting to watch the dolphins. So, at 6:30 we were standing on the porch watching dolphins jumping in the ocean. The old me that wouldn't have been up before 9:00 would have missed those sweet little boy smiles before the sun was up, and the precious joy on the face of a 2 year old watching fishes jump into the sunrise. I love my children more than life itself, more than any other life I could imagine, and that makes me JUST LIKE MY MOTHER.
Mom, if you are reading this, thank you for being a fabulous mother. Thank you for being the type of mom I want to be. I can only hope my children grow up feeling the love, joy, and fulfillment I felt as a child. And, if that is the case. I will be so proud to have become my mother.
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Milestones
These are random pictures I don't have time to separate out... LK helping Papa reload shells for his trap shooting, Sam in the float at our pool, Sam crawling, and all the kids in the pool.
We have had an exciting week. Sam is starting to crawl to get his toys, and he is sitting up all the time. It is funny to watch him sit up and reach for his toys and not fall flat on his face. He is loving his new found independence. I am loving his ability to entertain himself. Considering that LK got her first teeth when she was 10 months old, I don't want to speculate, but I think Sam is teething. He drools like a bassett hound, and is chewing on everything in sight. His chew toy of choice is my Crocs, yes I know it is disgusting. I finally broke down and cleaned them with clorox he likes chewing on them so much. I am hoping he is teething just to explain the fussiness over the last couple weeks. Sam is usually my happy go lucky child, but he has cried all day today.
LK is still making me question my sanity. I love her, and am super blessed to have such an independent girl. I know how thankful I am going to be when she is a teenager. But her whit and stubborness, and intelligence wrapped up in an almost 3 year old body is a bit overbearing. She can negoiate just about anything. And, she is so stinking persistent I just give in. We literally sat at the dinnner table an hour and fifteen minutes to get her to eat 2 pieces of shells and cheese and one bite of pork tenderloin. These are foods she actually likes. She just didn't want to eat them tonight because we didn't have french fries.
So much more to write, but 2 screaming kids are calling my name...
We have had an exciting week. Sam is starting to crawl to get his toys, and he is sitting up all the time. It is funny to watch him sit up and reach for his toys and not fall flat on his face. He is loving his new found independence. I am loving his ability to entertain himself. Considering that LK got her first teeth when she was 10 months old, I don't want to speculate, but I think Sam is teething. He drools like a bassett hound, and is chewing on everything in sight. His chew toy of choice is my Crocs, yes I know it is disgusting. I finally broke down and cleaned them with clorox he likes chewing on them so much. I am hoping he is teething just to explain the fussiness over the last couple weeks. Sam is usually my happy go lucky child, but he has cried all day today.
LK is still making me question my sanity. I love her, and am super blessed to have such an independent girl. I know how thankful I am going to be when she is a teenager. But her whit and stubborness, and intelligence wrapped up in an almost 3 year old body is a bit overbearing. She can negoiate just about anything. And, she is so stinking persistent I just give in. We literally sat at the dinnner table an hour and fifteen minutes to get her to eat 2 pieces of shells and cheese and one bite of pork tenderloin. These are foods she actually likes. She just didn't want to eat them tonight because we didn't have french fries.
So much more to write, but 2 screaming kids are calling my name...
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Performance Review???
Not trying to toot my own horn here, just trying to give you a little background to help understand my feelings about today.... I was valedictorian of my 8th grade class, graduated w/honors in the top 10 of high school class, recieved a full scholoarship to college, graduated as the Outstanding Senior Woman from Murray State, was the Outstanding Senior in Business Administration, finished the training program of my first job in 7 weeks instead of 5 months, was offered a job in the corporate office reserved for higher up managers only 8 weeks off the training program of that job, advanced quickly and recieved raises at every performance review; in fact every job I held since then I was promoted and recieved significant raises and accolades with every performance review.... In a nutshell, I feel like I have always been successful if I put my mind to it, and honestly, I enjoyed that recognition. I know I probably deserved a lesson in humility.
Then, God in HIS infinite wisdom called me to be a stay at home mom. I love my children, and feel incredibly blessed. But honestly, some times I just feel like I suck at this job, and today my children agreed. Why is it so hard? Where is the job description, that I can check off as I complete the task? And honestly, I could use a raise!!!!!!!! Before 9 am I had soured spit up in my hair (and I actually took a shower and dried my hair this morning); LK had peed in my bed (AGAIN), after which she said, "Mommy quit throwing a fit"; LK screamed as I took her to school telling me she hated it and hated me for making her go. Later in the morning I took Sam for his 6 month checkup & shots which resulted in a crying, non-napping infant the rest of the day. I picked LK up from school, which she said she enjoyed, and thought thigns were looking up. She also decided not to nap which was fine until about 4:30 when everything resulted in tears and whining.
Jeff came home from work and immediately told me what a terrible day he had and he needed some time to unwind. Seriously? Me too! I try so hard to let him relax and not have any worries at home. I so much appreciate how hard he works to provide for our family, so for the most part I don't have to. But today, I need a break. My job is 24 hours a day 7 days a week, and sometimes I need a 15 minute break. Especially on weeks like this when my 3 part time jobs are going to require I work about 45 hours without my kids being in day care.
I am sure you have heard enough of my complaining about my rough day and rough week. I know many working moms out there that would love to trade places with me. But, sometimes I just wonder what my performance review as a Housewife/Stay-at-Home mom would look like???? I want to be calm, do great crafts, discipline perfectly, and have a spotless house; but, it isn't happening.... And, I am starting to get very frustrated with myself.
Days like today make me seriously consider calling my old boss and asking for my job back..... But, then I look at these sweet faces and know someday, "I am going to miss this...."
Then, God in HIS infinite wisdom called me to be a stay at home mom. I love my children, and feel incredibly blessed. But honestly, some times I just feel like I suck at this job, and today my children agreed. Why is it so hard? Where is the job description, that I can check off as I complete the task? And honestly, I could use a raise!!!!!!!! Before 9 am I had soured spit up in my hair (and I actually took a shower and dried my hair this morning); LK had peed in my bed (AGAIN), after which she said, "Mommy quit throwing a fit"; LK screamed as I took her to school telling me she hated it and hated me for making her go. Later in the morning I took Sam for his 6 month checkup & shots which resulted in a crying, non-napping infant the rest of the day. I picked LK up from school, which she said she enjoyed, and thought thigns were looking up. She also decided not to nap which was fine until about 4:30 when everything resulted in tears and whining.
Jeff came home from work and immediately told me what a terrible day he had and he needed some time to unwind. Seriously? Me too! I try so hard to let him relax and not have any worries at home. I so much appreciate how hard he works to provide for our family, so for the most part I don't have to. But today, I need a break. My job is 24 hours a day 7 days a week, and sometimes I need a 15 minute break. Especially on weeks like this when my 3 part time jobs are going to require I work about 45 hours without my kids being in day care.
I am sure you have heard enough of my complaining about my rough day and rough week. I know many working moms out there that would love to trade places with me. But, sometimes I just wonder what my performance review as a Housewife/Stay-at-Home mom would look like???? I want to be calm, do great crafts, discipline perfectly, and have a spotless house; but, it isn't happening.... And, I am starting to get very frustrated with myself.
Days like today make me seriously consider calling my old boss and asking for my job back..... But, then I look at these sweet faces and know someday, "I am going to miss this...."
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