Performance Review???

Not trying to toot my own horn here, just trying to give you a little background to help understand my feelings about today.... I was valedictorian of my 8th grade class, graduated w/honors in the top 10 of high school class, recieved a full scholoarship to college, graduated as the Outstanding Senior Woman from Murray State, was the Outstanding Senior in Business Administration, finished the training program of my first job in 7 weeks instead of 5 months, was offered a job in the corporate office reserved for higher up managers only 8 weeks off the training program of that job, advanced quickly and recieved raises at every performance review; in fact every job I held since then I was promoted and recieved significant raises and accolades with every performance review.... In a nutshell, I feel like I have always been successful if I put my mind to it, and honestly, I enjoyed that recognition. I know I probably deserved a lesson in humility.

Then, God in HIS infinite wisdom called me to be a stay at home mom. I love my children, and feel incredibly blessed. But honestly, some times I just feel like I suck at this job, and today my children agreed. Why is it so hard? Where is the job description, that I can check off as I complete the task? And honestly, I could use a raise!!!!!!!! Before 9 am I had soured spit up in my hair (and I actually took a shower and dried my hair this morning); LK had peed in my bed (AGAIN), after which she said, "Mommy quit throwing a fit"; LK screamed as I took her to school telling me she hated it and hated me for making her go. Later in the morning I took Sam for his 6 month checkup & shots which resulted in a crying, non-napping infant the rest of the day. I picked LK up from school, which she said she enjoyed, and thought thigns were looking up. She also decided not to nap which was fine until about 4:30 when everything resulted in tears and whining.

Jeff came home from work and immediately told me what a terrible day he had and he needed some time to unwind. Seriously? Me too! I try so hard to let him relax and not have any worries at home. I so much appreciate how hard he works to provide for our family, so for the most part I don't have to. But today, I need a break. My job is 24 hours a day 7 days a week, and sometimes I need a 15 minute break. Especially on weeks like this when my 3 part time jobs are going to require I work about 45 hours without my kids being in day care.

I am sure you have heard enough of my complaining about my rough day and rough week. I know many working moms out there that would love to trade places with me. But, sometimes I just wonder what my performance review as a Housewife/Stay-at-Home mom would look like???? I want to be calm, do great crafts, discipline perfectly, and have a spotless house; but, it isn't happening.... And, I am starting to get very frustrated with myself.

Days like today make me seriously consider calling my old boss and asking for my job back..... But, then I look at these sweet faces and know someday, "I am going to miss this...."