I have become my mother

Our internet connection at the beach is entirely too slow to attempt pictures, but I will upload some when we get home. The kiddos are so cute! My big realization is that I have become my mother. I guess that is okay, because she was a great mother, and I love her, but....

When I was a kid it made me "hate" my parents when they would go on a vacation by themselves and leave me with my grandparents. At the time I thought it was because they didn't love me as much as they loved each other. And frankly, I thought they were being cruel and causing me to miss out on the fun. Now, that I am on vacation with 2 small children, I realize this is no vacation at all for parents. In fact, it is harder work than being at home. Sure, the beach is nice and I am glad to be here, but I am already exhausted from taking kids to the pool and beach, making sure we have everything we need, then as soon as we get settled, it is time to come back up to change diapers, eat lunch, and take a nap. This "vacation" is simply a time to let the kids do whatever they want and have fun, so we can spend the next 2 weeks at home getting them back into routine. So, Mom, I am so sorry for all the grief that I gave you over taking a weekend away. Now, I realize how much you needed the break. Hope you are up for keeping my kids, so I can take a vacation. Jeff and I could certainly benefit for some time away together to recharge as a couple and as parents, so in fact we can be better parents.

The other thing that makes me my mother.... I actually am wearing a skirted bathing suit. I swore I would never be one of those "old", "uncool" moms that resorted to wearing unfashionable bathingsuits and clothes just because they were moms. When my mom was 30 wearing a skirted bathing suit, I thought she looked old and ridiculous. Now that I am 30, have had 2 kids in 28 months time; it isn't old and ridiculous, it is common courtesy to the hundreds of other people trying to enjoy thier time at the beach. I will admit the other moms here running around in bikinis, SOME of them actually looking decent, make me jealous. However, when I put on the 1 bikini I still own, see my disproportioned body hanging out in places it shouldn't, my stretch marks shining, and veins standing out; I take it off and grab the skirted tankini and head to the beach. Oh well, I have become my mother.

Another thing that makes me realize that I have become my mother.... I no longer desire to do the things I used to on vacation. We are here with my Dad and Step-Mom, who are itching to do fun adult things. You can tell neither of them have really taken kids on vacation. Emily never had children, and my parents were divorced when I was so young, my dad never went on vacation with me. Sure, I would love to sleep in, sleep by the pool, eat at fancy restaurants, and going shopping. But, when a 2 year old is saying, "Mommy, Mommy...." it all goes away. This morning at 5:30 Sam was awake and ready to eat. So much for sleeping in on vacation. Once he was fed and settled, LK was up wanting to watch the dolphins. So, at 6:30 we were standing on the porch watching dolphins jumping in the ocean. The old me that wouldn't have been up before 9:00 would have missed those sweet little boy smiles before the sun was up, and the precious joy on the face of a 2 year old watching fishes jump into the sunrise. I love my children more than life itself, more than any other life I could imagine, and that makes me JUST LIKE MY MOTHER.

Mom, if you are reading this, thank you for being a fabulous mother. Thank you for being the type of mom I want to be. I can only hope my children grow up feeling the love, joy, and fulfillment I felt as a child. And, if that is the case. I will be so proud to have become my mother.